NOTE: This is a work of fiction and some fact. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental, or a result of some neural misfirings.
NOTE: You can tell this is an old story because they call my h-o-m-e-t-e-l-e-p-h-o-n-e and leave a message on my a-n-s-w-e-r-i-n-g-m-a-c-h-i-n-e. The term landline hadn’t even been invented yet.
Prologue
Aug 22
First Visit to Sport Chek
“Dad! When can I get a new bike?”
Nadia’s 13th birthday is in two days. She has outgrown her bike. Her timing is perfect. This will be THE birthday gift! YESSSSSSS! I don’t have to attempt to delve into the brain of a 13 year old to figure out her gift.
“You know I’ve outgrown my bike. A new one would be perfect for my birthday. It will save you from trying to figure it out.”
From my brain to her mouth. I am not making this up.
“How about today?”, I ask.
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
Off to Sport Chek we go to check out bikes (and maybe collect some Air Miles).
The result of our shopping adventure looks like a Tour de France pile up! Bikes everywhere. Nadia tries bike after bike…blue, red, green, one speed, five speed, mountain bike, racing bike. I wait patiently…sort of…but I am trying to be helpful. Finally we are down to two bikes vying for her yellow jersey: a slate grey Raleigh and a steel blue Mango.
“Take them for another test drive” I urge. “Just to be sure.”
“No. I don’t want to.” Nadia shoots back. She wants the race to be over.
So do I. But I also want her confirmation. “One last drive?”
“No.”
A stand off.
“Maybe they can mark the bikes or keep them aside and we can come some other time.”
“No, today!”
“OK, today. Let’s go relax for a minute and think. Starbucks?”
We walk across the parking lot to Starbucks for a juice for her, iced coffee for me. A perfect diversion. For me, anyway.
“Which one do you like more, Nadia?”
“Mango.”
The conversation is much shorter than I expected. My iced coffee suddenly tastes much better. I know not to probe further.
We walk back across to Sport Chek for the steel blue Mango. I collect Air Miles.
This is what we call a “win-win”.
Our adventure with Sport Chek is over.
Aug 24
Happy Birthday Nadia.
The bike is awesome.
I’m a great dad!
Sept 10
Admin Meeting
Our principal announces that we will be supporting Toys for Tots again this year.
Our contact is Officer Timson.
Sept 22
First call from Sport Chek…first message
“Hi, this is Sport Chek calling. Just wanting to let you know that your bike is here for pick up.”
I shake my head…hoping to loosen a cobweb that has suddenly spanned my brain. That’s strange, I think.
I watch Nadia pedal past on her shiny new Mango confirming for me that we DID actually purchase it. It wasn’t a dream.
“Must be a mistake” I think.
I file the memory of the call away next to the loosened cobweb.
Oct 22
Second call from Sport Chek…second message
Apparently, our adventure with Sport Chek is NOT over.
I am just home from school, when Nadia zooms by again on her Mango – this is not some Criss Angel Mindfreak thing. That IS the bike we purchased. She stops to let me know that there is a telephone message.
The message?
“Hi, this is Sport Chek calling. Just letting you know that your bike is still here for you to pick up.”
“What?” I ask aloud. Brain search…that file has to be around here somewhere.
“But I just saw her on the bike, didn’t I?” No one is around to answer. I keep the file out.
Oct 25
Second trip to Sport Chek
I need to check this out. I happen to be near Sport Chek. Perfect – I’ll just go in and clear this up. I head to the back counter and talk to Vince (according to his nametag).
“Hi Vince. Someone from the store has left me a couple of messages to tell me to come in and pick up a bike.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. But I already bought the bike – a steel blue Mango. My daughter loves it and rides it all the time. So you don’t need to call anymore.”
“Oh, OK Sir. Sorry about that. We won’t call again.”
Problem solved. That was easy.
Nov 22
Third call from Sport Chek…this time I’m home to answer
“Hello”
“Is this…..Mr……Dooooo……….” I don’t interrupt. It sounds an awful lot like Vince. Pronouncing my last name has always been challenging, and attempts are always entertaining. I wait for telemarketers to try and reward those who’s pronunciation is in the ballpark with four whole minutes of pretend listening to their spiel.
“hann…..i…..chuk?” he chokes out. It’s painful.
“Close enough” I say.
“Hi Sir. I’m calling from Sport Chek about your bike that’s here.”
“My bike that’s there…ah yes. You’ve left two messages on my answering machine also.”
“Have we?”
“Yes. And I came by the store and explained it all. I already bought the bike – a steel blue Mango. My daughter loves it and rides it all the time. So you don’t need to call anymore.”
This sounds familiar.
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
I watch Nadia pedal by the house through the front picture window.
“You already have the bike?”
“Yes, I do.”
“You sure?”
Why is this so hard to believe?
“Well, my daughter just drove past the house on the Mango, so yes, I’m quite sure. It’s steel blue.”
“OK. I’ll make a note.”
“And so, you don’t need to call anymore.”
“No sir. No need for us to call.”
“Good, thanks!”
The adventure with Sport Chek is over. Again.
Dec 1
Toys for Tots plans finalized at school.
Dec 4
Correction: The adventure with Sport Chek is NOT over. Again.
Fourth call from Sport Chek. Third message.
“This is Sport Chek calling about your bike. Please come and pick it up or we will be ship it back to Calgary.”
WHAT??? This warrants a call.
“Hello, Sport Chek. Cathy speaking. How can I help you?”
“Hi Cathy. I’m returning a call from someone at your store about a bike.”
“OK, I’ll put you through.”
“Thanks Cathy.”
She patches me through…the radio station is not tuned and hurts my ears. Please don’t make me listen to this for long.
Finally someone picks up. “Hi this is Steve. Can I help you.”
“Hi Steve. Your store has been calling for a while now about a bike to pick up. Name is Dowhaniuk. D-O-W”
“OK sir, I’ll check it out.”
On hold again…more hurtful sounds attack my ears.
“Sorry about the wait. Yeah, here it is.”
“Steve, are you looking at an actual bike, or are you reading from a piece of paper?”
“It’s right here sir. I am looking at the bike right now.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Alrighty then, I’m coming to get it.”
Dec 6
Third visit to Sport Chek
I enter the store hesitantly. I can’t believe I am actually about to do this. I didn’t want it come to this. I have been to the store, I have told them over the phone. Multiple times.
What am I supposed to do? I have convinced my internal jury that Sport Chek really does not want this bike. I amble to the bike counter in the back thinking the jig is up. They are going to figure it out. I will be shamed.
“Hi” I say nervously. “I’m here about the bike?” Crap! I made that sound like a question! Busted!
“Oh yeah…you’re finally here!” says the dude who is neither Vince nor Steve.
“Yeah, it’s been a Three’s Company kind of misunderstanding.” He doesn’t get it. But it is accurate. The accuracy calms me.
The guy who is neither Vince nor Steve says “OK, let me just make sure it is ready to ride.”
The next four minutes take ten as he tunes the bike. My chest tightens with each turn of his wrench. Just before an infarction, he announces that he is done and that I’m “good to go.”
He walks me to the front of the store, snips off the security tag and I’m outta there. I make a break for the truck. Waiting for alarms to sound. Authorities will be in hot pursuit. I load the bike. Race off. Don’t look back. A drop of sweat. Heart racing. What just happened?
Epilogue 1 – Dec 7
Toys for Tots
“What are you doing?” Officer Timson asks as I am circling him in the front foyer pedalling the slate grey Raleigh.
“Hey, I tried not to have this bike. They kept harassing me. Do you know what I’ve been through trying to not have this bike? Three calls and three trips to Sport Chek.”
I recap the story for him.
“Wow!” he says. “You can’t keep that bike.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to. It’s for your Toys for Tots campaign.”
Epi-Epilogue – Apr 3
Nadia crashes her bike.
Epi-Epi-Epiloge – September 2021
Two moves and 14 years later, the steel blue Mango is still in our garage.
Slightly bent, but functional.
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